If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
