he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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