yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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