You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
