...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
