yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
