please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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