Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
