Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
did i just pee glitter
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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