Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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