I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
