I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
