it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
