i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
