She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
