as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We are two peas in an std pod
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
