Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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