i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
