I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
