My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
