Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
