Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
