So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
