highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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