im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
