Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
