dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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