just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
