If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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