I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
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Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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