No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
