Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
