i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
