just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
