i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
we're so committed to being not committed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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