I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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