If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
