Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
