Duck Duck Cougar?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
