how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
