I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you would pick up someone in the library
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
