Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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