ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
