Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
