sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Say something about gay babies.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
