The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
