guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
