I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
