just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
