and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
