she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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