sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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