My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize