I can tuck mytits in my pants
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Everything about him screamed your future.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
