so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
