he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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