And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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