I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
