Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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