Will you blow on my dice?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
