Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
