I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
