I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize