do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
