I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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