Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
