please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
