You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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