first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
