Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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