Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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