I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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