I am puke
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
