i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
