I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
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I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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