how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
