First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
