Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your cock deserves a montage
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
