the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
