If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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