Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
