Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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